Friday, September 17, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
welcome home.
the past few months, y'all know, haven't been the greatest.. or, rather, they've been the greatest, but certain things were not so great. i've sort of felt like i've been living two different lives as two different people.. and it's been really difficult, both emotionally & physically. i've been struggling for the past few years just to get my feet on the ground, out the door, and start life on my own in a new place. previous attempts either failed or, even if they were acted upon, i knew deep down it just wasn't the right way.
i guess it might seem like not a big deal to a lot of people. okay, so, i got a new job. that happens a lot for people. and it's more of a step backwards, not really forward, in the scheme of a career. ohh, congrats, i'm not commuting anymore. that's awesome, but is it really life changing? yeah, 'cause none of this is really about the job. the job is just the first puzzle piece put into place, so the rest can just fall in place.
never did i ever think i'd move my ass to an unknown city to live with someone i'd just met and it would be the best decision i ever made. it honestly took me a few months to walk up to my front door, slip my key in the lock, and feel like, "here is where i live. here is where i belong." continuing to work back towards my hometown never made it seem completely real and, also, made it really difficult. 2.5 hr round-trips and 2 tanks of gas a week aside, i felt really out of place everywhere. i just always felt like i kept leaving places. leaving my new home, leaving my old home. i started feeling different at work because i didn't live there anymore and i knew i wasn't going to stay.
i have dreams of being with batman forever, in a house, with kids (ladies, i don't have a choice) & dogs & cats, fields of grapes, and riding out this big journey with him. i just had this silly little tie holding me back, mentally, from all of that. i don't have to wake up and leave anymore. i can stay. i can walk back to our house at the end of the day. it's not a road trip anymore. anyone i meet, anywhere i go, it's all right here.
i guess it might seem like not a big deal to a lot of people. okay, so, i got a new job. that happens a lot for people. and it's more of a step backwards, not really forward, in the scheme of a career. ohh, congrats, i'm not commuting anymore. that's awesome, but is it really life changing? yeah, 'cause none of this is really about the job. the job is just the first puzzle piece put into place, so the rest can just fall in place.
never did i ever think i'd move my ass to an unknown city to live with someone i'd just met and it would be the best decision i ever made. it honestly took me a few months to walk up to my front door, slip my key in the lock, and feel like, "here is where i live. here is where i belong." continuing to work back towards my hometown never made it seem completely real and, also, made it really difficult. 2.5 hr round-trips and 2 tanks of gas a week aside, i felt really out of place everywhere. i just always felt like i kept leaving places. leaving my new home, leaving my old home. i started feeling different at work because i didn't live there anymore and i knew i wasn't going to stay.
i have dreams of being with batman forever, in a house, with kids (ladies, i don't have a choice) & dogs & cats, fields of grapes, and riding out this big journey with him. i just had this silly little tie holding me back, mentally, from all of that. i don't have to wake up and leave anymore. i can stay. i can walk back to our house at the end of the day. it's not a road trip anymore. anyone i meet, anywhere i go, it's all right here.
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