climbing vines.

2nd st.

i am home.

yes, this is such a profound moment that it needs it's own post.

richmond.

being here sucks. that's about the best way i can put it. the work situation is totally unorganized and ridiculous. i don't really need to be here, i'm just extra help and there's nothing to do and it's slow slow slow. no one prepared me in any way and no one down here has any clue what's going on. i'm sad & lonely everyday. i don't know anyone and i don't want to be social. and, obviously, i miss derrick so much. i hate not coming home to him and i hate how quiet it is without him. call me weak, lame, stubborn. i just completely dislike it.

derrick came down friday night until this afternoon. obviously, the highlight of my time here. it was just hard to not be sad. we ate at some good restaurants, went to a local winery for some wine tasting, walked along the canal & the river downtown, ate ice cream.

i just wish working wasn't so horrible and i wish they had things for me to do. i would honestly rather just work every day, super overtime, and never worry about sitting here by myself. luckily, my schedule was adjusted so i'll be coming home one day early.

five days & counting..

if you only knew.

it's 4:03 and i can't sleep
without you next to me i
toss and turn like the sea
if i drown tonight, bring me
back to life
breathe your breath in me
the only thing that i still believe
in is you, if you only knew

good morning.

flourescent.

oceans.

the best part of me is you.

* the improvements i've made since i started running a few months ago are awesome. i feel awesome and i'm really proud of myself. i get excited about running and it's truly exhilarating plus makes me feel like i'm dying. yay.

* i made some pretty crappy lasagna the other night. i'm being too hard on myself, but lasagna is one of batman's favorites. it's not that bad, just a slight fail. i am sad about it.

* i need to dye my hair again. after i get it cut. it's already pretty much gone from the last time and i strangely really love myself more with the darker hair. we're going darker next time.

* i leave on tuesday for virginia. 12 days! i am not looking forward to it at all. there's a small part of me that's excited for the change of scenery & people. otherwise, i've been blocking it out and not wanting to think about it. i've just been stressed way too much lately because of work and this will be some new stress to add on to it. i just hope that maybe this trip will help me feel better about things and i'll come back fresh.

* in other news, i'm reaching a really great level of comfort, safety, & love here. not that i did not feel comfortable, safe, or loved before; it just gets better & better everyday.

* i learned how to post here via e-mail and/or text. perhaps i will post a little more often now.

just a few things.

* we baked bread for the first time on sunday. it's an interesting process, how many times you have to play with it and then let it sit for an hour. the end result was pretty tasty. we made wheat bread, nothing too exciting.

* i recently read alicia silverstone's "the kind diet." i read a lot of books about these topics and i feel like a lot of writers are always trying to shove their views down your throat in an aggressive way. have you read the "skinny bitch" books? they attacked me. i think she did a good job of discussing & educating in a respectful way. however, she's obviously not a great writer, nor is she professionally educated in this field so there's a lot of generic language. overall? nothing to get crazy about, but it's a good read for beginners.

* in addition to that, i'm taking my vegan approach slowly (didn't know that? now ya do). i'm trying to cut back to meat/dairy at one meal a day, no more than that. i also want to avoid any severe detox symptoms from changing too quickly. and it's obviously hard living with a man who worships meat & his grill, but i want to do it in the best way possible to not inhibit anyone else. it's amazing the difference my body feels even just after one meal that is vegan. imagine if i followed it the whole day or, eventually, all the time.

* i've become increasingly exhausted by my work schedule. i work five days a week just like everybody else, but i never have two days off in a row. i never fully recover or feel fully rested. i have off today, but i'm already on the mindset of what needs to get done tomorrow at work. the hour commute doesn't help, either. that was just me complaining. i'll be okay. it won't be like this forever.

* in other news, i love who i wake up next to every morning, who i come home to every evening, and who i fall asleep next to every night.