post-run.

breathe, smile, love, live.

i've had a really distressful couple of weeks.. and it all stems for me worrying about what i can't have, what i don't have, what i seem to think is missing, and what if this or that bad thing happens.

remember the job you go to everyday that pays you and lets you have insurance and a flexible schedule? remember the brand new car you drive that is safe & reliable (unless i hit someone OOPS)? the roof over my head, the shoes on my feet. i live in a pretty safe place and i'm breathing, healthy, living. maybe it sounds cheesy, but it's real.

most importantly, the man who makes me laugh, even if he's poking fun at me. he makes me smile, feel beautiful, loves me even when i'm acting crazy, and would do anything for me. the man that i admire so much, that still gives me butterflies when i'm on my way home to see him. he's gorgeous, smart, and so loving. i've never met a more amazing person and i am the luckiest girl in the world to have him as mine.

this is what i have, among so many other things. what i have is so much important and relevant to my happiness, deserves much more attention, than what i don't. i can wish for things, work hard to make what i have better, but i cannot dwell. this time of my life is really confusing, difficult, and emotional. i need to let go and learn to create a balance. i'm luckier and happier and better than i let myself be.

in case you haven't heard..

i tried some "urban" running today. the change of scenery was needed.. jumping over uneven pavement, around trashcans and tree roots, watching out for cars.

when i watch anything about or involving dancers, it deflates my heart. i will always feel like that was my chance to do something real & beautiful. i know it wouldn't have lasted forever, but.. for a moment, i would have felt that.

my muffins failed.

i watched food, inc. i'm so mad and, yes, i cried. i just cannot believe the ignorance, the cruelty, the lies, the dollars, the hurt. FOOD. it's a basic necessity of life. food, water, shelter. FOOD. instead of using it to bring us to life, it's being used to kill us.

and where can i find some cooler weather?!

hello.

i can't think of a title.

I want to learn
How to mix these colors
The cold blue shades of morning
Splashed by golden light
To paint your skies & highways
I've left out the exit numbers
Washed out dividers & signs
My big browns watch your glazed greys
My heart pounds, your heart skips
I'll catch up to you, collide, head-on
Eyes close, hands grasp, bodies meet
Cold blue to dark grey
Golden yellow to deep orange
The paint stains the sheets
Smeared across our limbs
Drips off your breathing lips
Pressed to mine, we succumb to the sunset

I'm wide awake, it's morning.

sigh.

things are not going to get better any time soon, are they? every
single day brings something else to weigh me down.

i have never felt so unlike myself, so disappointed in myself, so
emotionally negative.

moreso, i am sorry for disappointing you, too.

tomorrow is a new day. it has to be.